So in a few weeks time Arsenal kicks off their pre-season tour of Asia. And some people have questioned why we aren’t targeting the good old US-of-A more as a market like Chelsea. Well the simple answer to that is because there’s already a gazillion sports in America. So there’s a lot of competition already. The likes of Asia and Africa are growing markets so you could see why Arsenal would want to get a head start there.
Having said that I can’t help but feel we’re missing a trick here. Everyone knows that if you’re big in America then you’re big everywhere! Just look at all the pop-stars that are big the World over, yeah mostly American. I mean have you even heard of the biggest musical artist in Vietnam? Of course you haven’t, they don’t even have their own music there I think. They’ve adopted America’s music.
Now I recently saw a fascinating philosophical debate on twitter per usual. This one was basically questioning what’s the difference between Russian oil money and past Arsenal owner Danny Fizsman’s involvement with Diamonds and current Arsenal owner Stan Kroenke’s involvement with Wal-Mart. It was said that Wal-Mart are the biggest seller of ammunition.
Now instead of pondering on the moral context of that I couldn’t help but notice that Stan Kroenke owns a football team called Arsenal and has ties to the biggest seller of ammunition in America. I mean do I even have to spell it out…
Arsenal branded ammunition and weapons! I can’t believe he hasn’t thought of that already. It would blow every other sports team out of the market...literally! When everyone with a gun in America which is pretty much everyone in America is exposed to Arsenal Football Club.
Think of how much you wanted to kill Rooney when he dived and ended the 49 game unbeaten run or Adebayor when he scored against us and ran the length of the field. This is why an idea like this is so great.
There’s already been a similar scheme in Kenya and Uganda with Arsenal branded debit cards so why not do this? And I know you’re probably thinking "Hey won’t it be bad for Arsenal’s image if people are killing each other with Arsenal branded ammunition and weapons?" And to that I say no because most of the people who could take issue with it will be dead! Also anyone who goes to jail for murder well there’s not much to do in there, so supporting and watching Arsenal will be good for them and us. Think of the viewing figures if every killer in prison is watching Arsenal.
It would also take us back to our roots seeing as the team was started by workers at an ammunition's factory so it's also a great idea for historical reasons as well as monetary ones. I really can’t see anything wrong with this idea, the murder and war market is quite large to say the least and we should be looking to take full advantage of that. And quite frankly it would make Arsenal the biggest sporting franchise in America and therefore the World.
*Disclaimer - This is a joke and is not permissible as evidence in a court of law.