Everybody please do zee listen! Today ees very important day on calendar number thing for zee citizen of States United. Today ees National Doughnut Day and eet make me happier than hamster seeing wheel with forgiving and loose axel. I run fast like man on fire when I find out today is Fat Man Thanksgiving. I run to doughnut shop, make swipe of hand to entire display counter and say I want eet all just box it up and hand over to me so I can stuff face and chin with zee most delicious doughnut jelly and powder as mouth go chomp chomp gump womp chomp romp. Even if I get belly ache and cannot do zee walk to toilet room afterwards and go poopy in finest Italian dress pants while sit on couch, eet ees zee most worth it. If I do zee poop in pants any day but zee today, you can judge my poop. But you cannot do zee judging of me today because I honor zee troops and zee whatnot by celebrating zhis important holiday.
Now, while I enjoy and do zee partaking in doughnuts today, I need to do zee reminder to you all zhat in Uzbekistan we have National Doughnut Day yes we do. Unlike you, we celebrate eet every day. Because eet ees of zee most hard to find normal tire for horse buggy, we must find dilapidated doughnut to make zee most sure that peasant can drag buggy through zee finest potholes in street. When Zee Fantastic was a wee little man who had small pockets of empty no money, eet was hard to find doughnut made of zee best of quality. Now I have money of lots and can afford tire of finest. And strong peasant to drag around for me to pick up of women of night in exchange for doughnut and slice of bread.
But anyway, in honor of Doughnut Day National, I made a doughnut specific glee for you. Eet ees of zhat bushy mustache asshole pain in zee butt area Stan Kroenke. Here do you like?
I ate zhis doughnut in one bite, zhen puke it back out of mouth tunnel because I want to make sure he not try to sabotage my system zhat digest and things. He already pain in butt area, did not want him to become pain in small intestine area.
Congrats on Day National Doughnut to all my friends and fans in United Area Code States. May you eat doughnut zhat ees zee most delish. And hope zhat mustache cowboy asshole Stan not try to hoard your doughnut and sell for profit.