Much has been made of Geoff Shreeves' suddenly-infamous post-match question to Arsenal right back Carl Jenkinson after the 2-0 Arsenal victory yesterday at Bayern Munich. For those who haven't seen the video, here it is in all its splendor:
While Carl was well within his right to blow him off, he clearly wasn't capable of handling the full awesomeness that is Geoff Shreeve's presence. Simply, it takes greatness to stand up to greatness and Carl wasn't up to the task, it appears. He's still pretty young and very new to this whole devastation thing, so it's good for him to gain this invaluable post-match Geoff Shreeves interview experience.
Some of you might also remember Shreeves as the intrepid reporter who completely ruined Branislav Ivanovic's day, breaking the news to him that he would miss the Champions League final due to his yellow card in the Champions League semifinal victory at Nou Camp last April:
See, if there's one man, ONE HARD-HITTING INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER who's able to elicit raw emotion from some of the strongest willed people the Earth has ever witnessed, it's Geoff Shreeves. It's these qualities that led us here at The Short Fuse to hire Shreeves on the spot last night to take a slew of rides in our homemade time machine that we created in our basement, and go back and ask a few historical figures questions that, up until now, have been left unasked. He arrived back earlier this morning with his notepad, two black eyes and his hair severely-disheveled. However, in the end, a job well done and the mission accomplished. Here are his findings.
Geoff Shreeves: "Much has been made of your story and performance tonight that seems only likely in the movies, but the harsh reality is you have autism and I know for a fact that this has prevented you from doing various things in your life.
Jason McElwain: "Yeah, well, I'd rather not talk about that now to be honest after the way I played today, with all the positives I can take from tonight to promote that people with autism can do normal things and lead lives very much like people without autism; you know I think it's putting a bit of a negative approach on the night."
Geoff Shreeves: "It's really impressive that you rode to work at the front of the bus today, and moved the concept of equal rights further than it's moved in 100 years, but the harsh reality is that you didn't finish the job. That's got to be tough for everyone involved, yes?"
Rosa Parks: /deathstare //kicksshreevesinthenuts
Geoff Shreeves: "Simply put, it's amazing that you were able to develop this contraption of sorts and set about laying the foundation of globalization as the world knows it, but the reality is that you only flew 175 feet in the air. That's surely got to disappoint you two."
Wright Brothers: "Who are you and what's this fuzzy thing you're sticking in our faces?"
Geoff Shreeves: Fantastic job getting to the moon. Really great stuff. But it's a shame you couldn't just pop over to Mars while you were at it. Ultimately this has to feel like a failure, does it not?
Buzz Aldrin: "I just came back from THE F*CKING MOON, where'd you go today?"
Geoff Shreeves: "Mr. Obama, you've just been elected president, and you're the first African-American to hold the office. But there are some who say that Bill Clinton was actually the first, because he once met Arsenio Hall and had a saxophone. Does that tarnish the achievement for you?
POTUS: "How'd you get into the Oval Office? Did Biden let you in?"
Geoff Shreeves: "Congratulations, lads. You just played your first American show, a complete sell out of Shea Stadium, in front of 50,000 screaming fans. It must feel great, but also there has to be a feeling of falling short, as you were simply unable to sell out a bigger stadium. You don't know this yet, since I'm from the future, but there's this band that came along named Queen that got 72,000 people at Wembley Stadium to dance as one. This must be a letdown for you."
The Beatles: "We just had 50,000 women screaming WE LOVE YOU at us for an hour. Most of them want to have our babies. How's living with your mom treating you?"
Geoff Shreeves: "You spent many weeks and months figuring out the best way to gain Jodie Foster's attention, with your latest attempt to woo her being the shooting of Ronald Reagan. While she heard about your latest method of courtship in the news after the incident earlier today, the most recent update we've received is that she hasn't contacted you. Surely this must feel like a disappointment."
John Hinckley, Jr: "For reals, like, I'm at a loss. How could love be shown in any other way?"
Geoff Shreeves: "The odds stacked completely against you, you've managed to become an international icon for the deaf and blind. However, it must gnaw at your very core to know that Peter Popoff wasn't around when you needed him the most."
Helen Keller: /deathstare //kicksshreevesinthenuts
(This was a collaborative effort by us all here at The Short Fuse. Make sure to tip all the writers well.)