According to the typically reliable David Ornstein of the British Broadcasting Corporation (known to some as the BBC, a bastion of journalistic excellence), Santi "Gervinho II" Cazorla has been 100% totally officially signed as an Arsenal player, and will be announced literally any day now. It could happen right now. Go check the Arsenal website, I'll wait.
He's not there, is he? Damn.
So yeah, this is finally finally finally almost over, then. Here's Ornstein's details.
The 27-year-old Spain international will sign a long-term contract for a fee below £15m. Malaga's financial problems delayed the move, but it is likely to be announced on Tuesday.
I had my money on "Malaga sold their fax machine to make rent, and the internet was shut off three weeks ago" as the reason why this has taken so long, so my tenner is still in play until we get more details. Evidently the details are sorted, and the deal should be officially announced tomorrow. Of course, it was going to be announced on Friday, then today, so I'll believe that part when I see it.
Ornstein also says that Cazorla has "joined the club at their pre-season training camp in Germany," leading me to believe that Cazorla has joined the club at their pre-season training camp in Germany. Presumably this means that he will, in fact, be able to play in Arsenal's final actual pre-season friendly against Koln this week, as David Hytner said.
Our long national nightmare is close to ending. When the BBC reports something will happen, it happens. Unless it doesn't. But it's a very reliable source, and follows FIFA (by accident), the Guardian, and probably the Mirror about seven times as Places Other Than Arsenal.com That Have Confirmed Cazorla's Gunnerdom.
So the most important question to me is this: what do we do with our lives now that Santi Cazorla is clearly definitely going to play for Arsenal?