Arsenal Dance Club

the second-funniest thing involving Per Mertesacker on this page

A lot has been made (and rightly so, as far as I can tell) of Arsenal's deficiencies in the commercial revenues department, largely due to deals made in an attempt to guarantee income to fund the building of the Emirates Stadium. One deal that the club has presently is with Malta Guinness, a Nigerian-based non-alcoholic version of the famous brew. That deal has led to the creation of this video, which I maintain may be the nexus of the universe.

Truly we are the greatest generation. Some further information (and a poll!) about the video below, some of which is real and some of which is not.

  • I think it's clear that we've stumbled upon a new source of commercial revenue for Arsenal: a series of workout DVDs featuring the club's biggest stars. I know we're all itching to grab "van Persie's Transfer Shuttle Run" and "Trying To Reach the Top Shelf with Andrey." I just hope they manage to outsell some of Spurs' collection.
  • As has been noted elsewhere, Per Mertesacker can actually dance. This is shocking, because he's just about the slowest person on the planet. Also, as a man of six-feet and about five-inches myself, let me tell you that it is not easy to get your limbs to do things like that. I applaud you, Per. You made tall guys look coordinated.
  • Evidently dancing ability is not related to German heritage, because Lukas Podolski looks like he's had a quadruple-limb reattachment surgery done. I hope he shows better coordination with a ball at his feet. My goodness.
  • Bacary Sagna is alive! And actually, he's looking pretty limber and quick. Either that's a stand-in (which would explain the blurry video; crafty, Arsene!) or Sagna is not that far from being able to play again. Which would be great news, and this is definitely the best possible way to release it. Through dance.

The only issue I have with this video is that Andrei Arshavin is not in it. That would have put it in the pantheon of Greatest YouTube Videos ever, I think. So what are your thoughts? Who should have been in the video who didn't make it? What other workout videos should be in the pipeline? Why exactly is this happening?


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